College was one of my favorite seasons of life. Much of who I am today comes directly from the years I spent at Ouachita Baptist University. On a recent work trip to Arkansas, I had the opportunity to drive through campus, soaking in memory after memory of a treasured season. As I passed two of my old dorms and drove through the tunnel of Bradford Pear trees, I was overcome with a consuming thought… I squandered away my college years.
For as long as I can remember, all I wanted to do was get married, start my career and be a mother. I’m not sure where this mentality came from, or the perception these things equaled success, but my one track mind worked daily towards these goals.
I loved college. I loved making new friends. I loved the newly found freedom. I loved learning. I actually loved chapel! I loved everything about OBU! But I was in SUCH a hurry to “start my life,” I missed out on many opportunities 20 year olds get once in a lifetime.
I met my now ex-husband during my freshman year of college and after about 8 months of dating, we got engaged and later married during the spring of my sophomore year. My parents always told me if I got married before I finished college, they would cut me off financially and I was on my own. With that knowledge weighing on me, I buckled down and finished college in only three years. In essence, I sacrificed an extra year in one of my favorite seasons of life to begin a new season and a new life. At the time, it seemed like the right decision to make.
My freshman year of college was pretty typical. I did all the things most freshman do: stayed out way too late, attended one too many parties, pledged, tested boundaries but also maintained a 4.0, made lifelong friends, and fell in love with a university and staff who shaped the person I am today. My sophomore year rolled around and I was in full-on wedding planning mode. The things I loved most about college began to take a backseat in lieu of planning my dream wedding. My senior (really junior) year I was in full-on wife mode, was student teaching, and basically only a college student on paper.
At the ripe old age of 20, I was married. And at 21, I had my first teaching job. All seemed right in the world, until the fairy tale came crashing down 12 years later. My marriage fell apart. I had not become a mother. And I was forced into a new season. My 20 year old self would never have believed this turn of events.
In reflection, I DID love my ex-husband, but as I push 40 with wisdom gained, I’m certain the 20 year old me was in love with the IDEA of marriage. I was in love with the “white picket fence” dream. And I sacrificed time in a precious season of life. Time I will never be able to get back.
Oh how I wish I could share the knowledge I have now with a wide-eyed, 18 year old Sara. I would tell her to relish life. To take your time. To SLOW DOWN. You have your whole life to be married. Your whole life to be a mother. Your whole life to work. Travel and travel far. Invest in relationships that give life! Delight in the freedom of NOT being employed full time. Appreciate your parents covering your insurance. Serve the Lord with ALL your heart. Love Him fiercely and hold tightly to His promises.
But guess what? There’s good news gleaned from years I squandered! “How would I know the morning, if I knew not midnight?” (Nichole Nordeman, Sunrise) The Lord has blessed me with a rare opportunity for a do over! A do over I did not want, but would not trade for anything. I get to slow down, relish a new season, travel and travel far, serve the Lord with ALL my heart and hold tightly to His promises. And PATIENTLY wait for blessings He has in store. No expectations. Just simple living.
We ALL have things we would tell our 18 year old self. If you could talk with your 18 year old self, what advice would you give? Please share in the comments below. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll get a few 18 years old to read and our lessons will be an encouragement to them.
I love this. There’s so much our 18 year old selves didn’t know! I’d tell my former self it’s going to be okay. Dark days may come time and again, but they don’t last forever. Hope is real and life will be more beautiful than you can imagine. You will find joy, real joy, and purpose that makes your heart sing.
Thanks for making me stop and think about good things I’ve learned over the years!
I love this response Sarah! I have a love/hate relationship with getting older….. But I mostly love it. It’s fun to apply wisdom I’ve learned! 🙂
Thank you, Sara, for saying so eloquently what I have come to realize about my own life. I know I squandered my college years by being in such a rush to get on with life. Instead of allowing that season to deepen my faith and trust, I tried to make my own way and plans. There were opportunities to serve Him I missed because I wasn’t looking for them. I would tell my 18 year old self to find joy and be content with the season of life you are in. Rushing your life toward something else doesn’t bring happiness and fulfillment. Learning to trust God with all aspects of your future and believing Him brings peace and joy. But God is FAITHFUL! He has given me more opportunities to be faithful in serving Him. It amazes me how God redeems my mistakes. Thank you for sharing your story, Sara!
Yes!! I love this!!!! I would tell my 18 year old self the same thing!
I didn’t know you were only 20 when you got married! I too loved college. Some of my fondest years. But I also love today. Some of my best days are right now. Love you!
*sigh* I was….. I’ve learned so much!
I love that you said some of your best days are right now!!! You are my hero, sweet friend! Love you so much! 🙂
Sara, this is so real and I hear the regret you are expressing. I see something different in your story, though. It’s so easy for me to put my current priorities and insight on my past (or other people sometimes) because they have weight that comes with hard-learned lessons. So when you look back and say that you squandered your college years, part of it comes from a place of different priorities, which you ONLY got through going through those difficulties in the first place. If everything had worked out, you may just as easily have looked back at that wedding planning time and held it up as an example of focus and single-mindedness that served you well. Wedding planning is no small feat! If you look back and say it was a waste (mostly because it didn’t work out), you set yourself up for second-guessing yourself the next time you want to go all in on something. You question if it’s going to turn out OK because look what happened that one time. Here’s the glorious truth, though – NONE of that is beyond God’s ability to redeem. Sometimes we look back and think we missed out on our calling, our vocation, our best opportunities. We made bad choices, we wandered from the faith or whatever. That’s too much about **us** – as if one false move sets us on a path of destruction that can’t be overcome. YES, we should be careful and prayerful in our priorities and plans…but when we completely booger it up or something (or somebody) trainwrecks our lives or our plans God is not on His throne with a #mindblown T-shirt saying “Whoa! I did NOT see that coming! NOW what will we do!!???” He says, “I can redeem that. I can transform **even that** into something beautiful.” Who you are today and the priorities you have now COME from your journey. Don’t despise what God is the business of redeeming. He makes it beautiful, just as He is making you (and has already made you) BEAUTIFUL.
Christine, thank you so much for this response. And thank you for speaking truth over me. This is a comment I’ll read over and over. So much wisdom and truth. <3
I wanted to let you know I was praying for you this morning. Peace to you.
Christine~
I cried when I saw this. Today is my birthday and it means so much to know you were lifting me up. Thank you so much!
I’m sure I’m in the minority as a married guy reader, but wow. I so get the over-achiever gene that we type A’s have to wrangle. It leads us to always push for the next thing and forget to pause in the present. But no matter how much we miss in this life, we have so much more to look forward to in Christ. Thank you for sharing, Sara!
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I love this comment, Jeff! Thank you so much! Glad to know I’m not alone. I’m SOOOOO looking forward to a life in eternity where I’m not constantly mapping out my life! 😉