It’s the day of the year we celebrate the one who chose life and brought us bouncing into this great, big, wide world. But what do you do when it’s Mother’s Day and you’re not a mother?
I fall on the “not being a mother” end of the spectrum. There was a season in my life when this day glared the obvious. And. it. hurt. And to make the pain worse, for the majority of my adult life, I’ve lived far away from my mother and wasn’t able to celebrate with her. So off to church I’d go, where mothers are on display and honored on this special day (as they should be). The pastor would gleefully ask for all mothers to stand and be honored, and I’d sink down in my seat with embarrassment. Then, I’d listen to him intently for a glimmer of motherly advice I could maybe apply somewhere down the road. Next, I’d either go out to lunch with other “non-mother” friends or go home for a long, winter’s, Sunday afternoon nap. The day would pass… I’d be so over it, and all would fade into oblivion until the following May.
I can’t quite put my finger on the exact time it happened, but one Mother’s Day, things were different and have remained different. I no longer mourned the fact I wasn’t a mother. I honestly began to celebrate NOT being a mother just as much as a mother celebrates being a mother. I mean, how many nearly 40 year olds do you know that are childless? We are definitely in the minority. I would never glamorize being single and childless, but when I decided to optimize this season, my perspective drastically changed. Being an older, wiser, “non-mother” definitely has its advantages. Just as mothers have opportunities I do not share, I have opportunities for increased flexibility in almost every aspect of my life.
Understanding the Lord can quickly change circumstances and seasons (remember He IS the God of suddenlies), it became evident I should embrace this season of being childless. It could or could not last. Just this week, my 5 year old niece flawlessly quoted her current memory verse and it sums up my current season: I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. Philippians 4:11b. Trust me, this has NOT always been easy, and I definitely have failed at being content. But ultimately, I trust the Lord. I trust His plan. I trust His timing.
There was definitely a season I longed to be a mother. A season where nothing would do but to swaddle my own flesh and blood. And granted, in this season of singleness, I wonder if I will ever birth a child? Maybe I will one day open my heart to a child birthed by another? Maybe I will remain childless? Only the Lord knows. So this Mother’s Day, another Mother’s Day of being a “non-mother,” I will choose to be content whatever the circumstances. I will choose to live, to thrive and to wait expectantly for what the Lord has in store.
If you are reading this, are a fellow “non-mother” and you DESPERATELY want a sweet baby, please know I feel your pain in the depths of my spirit and have walked in your shoes. I have cried BUCKETS of tears as I stood on the sidelines while other families grew and blossomed. It is ONLY by the grace of God I am content in this season. He has washed me with a peace that passes understanding. I pray for you to experience this peace also! If you are in a current season of agony and lost hope, I believe WHOLEHEARTEDLY the Lord WILL redeem your pain and you WILL see His glory. He bottles every tear you cry (Psalm 56:8).
And, if you are reading this and you ARE a mother, I praise God for you! You are blazing the trail before me. You bless me with your testament of transcending love. You are the glue holding your family together. I observe you with awe and the utmost respect. I love your unselfish heart, your unseen acts of kindness and the way you light up when you look at your child. Maybe I’ll grow up and be just like you one day. <3
So whether you are a mother or not, what additional advice would you share for non-mothers who may be struggling this Mother’s Day?
Sara, sweet child. As a mother, I have endured so many heartaches for my children. So you see we all have heartaches that are different. God chose you to be about His work. He knows someone with a child could not do. Both of our heartaches will continue mine for my children, grand, and yours as well. One day there will be no more heartache and we are ready. God is blessing many through your words and actions.
Deborah, Wow! Thank you so much for your comment. It means so much to me and speaks directly to my heart. Love you!
This is very touching. Motherhood is an innate desire and a blessing from God. I have gone through many trails and trivials with my 3 young adults and only recently moved a chapter through Gods grace. I am thankful for each day that I’m given to be with my children. Thank you for your words and prayers. God bless you my friend. 💕
I’m so blessed to know you!!! Thank you so much for your sweet words. Happy Mother’s Day to you! <3
I share your circumstances and occasionally the same pain. I like to believe that it’s partly Gods plan and enjoy all of my blessings. I often worry about those clossest to me so perhaps this is His will and mine to accept. Happy day sweet Sara!
(((Claudia))) Thank you SO much for your reply! I too believe it’s part of God’s plan even though we may not know why on this side of heaven. We just have to have faith that He IS working all for our good…. Miss you much! Love you!
Sara, I have recently and finally reached contentment in Christ through singleness myself. It’s been a very long journey that I equate to the stages of grief … denial, bargaining, anger, and depression. But, as you mentioned, there’s still hope. Unlike the grief over a death, the final stage is not acceptance but contentment. It’s a nice place to be, and I am very thankful to have finally reached it.
That being said, Mother’s Day is still difficult for me. I lost my mom five years ago, so I can’t even focus on her anymore. Mother’s Day has become a Survival Day for me. I’m extremely thankful for mothers, and I love my family and friends who are moms. I’m not bitter. I’m not angry. I just try to get through it. And, I think that’s okay.
Thanks for sharing about your journey. We non-mothers need to be reminded that we’re not alone. Hugs to you, my friend.
(((Jodi))), yes it IS OK to simply just get through the day. I can’t even imagine the emotional strain the day is for you. <3 I'm SO glad to have you on "my team." We are a rarity you know. 🙂 I believe God has us right where He wants us.... But be on the lookout for Him to change circumstances at a moment's notice. I believe He takes great joy in surprising us! Love you!
Sweet Sara,
Let me tell you being a mom is both joyous and heart pulling. I was once in your shoes. I met the man God had for me at 35…had Camden at 37….had my accident and 39 hoping for miraculous headline in year 41! Things have run in a pattern in my life. I digress, you are ministering to soooo many through the season God has you in. I am not able to bare anymore children due to the breaks in my pelvis, so I grieve for the baby we lost and the babies we will not have. Adoption is an option but not until I get healed! So, keep on keeping on and He will continue to bless you😘
Love you friend,
Bambi
(((Bambi))) I’m praying for your healing every day! Thank you SO much for your kind words. And yes, I’m believing with you that year 41 will be your BEST year ever! You’re stamina and strength are ministering to ME! Love love love you!
Thank you Sara! I never thought of it that way. I have the same struggle as you blogged. When your dream diminishes it is tough even when you have faith. I have always told myself that while others were making families I was busy making myself the best teacher ever…….maybe just maybe I was right. Look where I ended up….retired yet sharing my experiences of almost 30 years with those teachers who are striving to make a difference ..thanks to God’s path to you…..who knew? 😘
Netha, I just love you! I’m sooooo grateful our paths crossed. We have SO much in common! <3
Awww ME TOO! Have a happy joyful day celebrating our moms and our friends who are moms who share their children with us!!
What a powerful message on being content with where God has you right now in the moment.
Thank you! It is only by His grace!